Tag Archives: Horror Movies

This Time It Really is “Drink Your Vegetables.”

Don’t spare the bologna sandwiches, because Troll 2 is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell:   Wooden acting, cheap special effects, ridiculous fairy-tale logic, and crew of crazy Italians…it all adds up to one of the most awesomely bad movies in cinema history!

This movie contains:

Ghosts.

Goblins.

Delicious Vegan Cuisine.

Oh – oh dear God, no!  Just no!  DO NOT WANT!

FINAL THOUGHT:

OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

Cage Rage: The Wicker Man

Hide the honey pot, because The Wicker Man is (definitely not) The Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title to download our review of the film, featuring guest co-hosts Dave and Joel from Fast Karate for the Gentleman.

Review in a Nutshell: Good composition and production design cannot save a film that is poorly plotted, unconvincingly cast, and ultimately as subtle as a kick in the groin. Watch it for Nic Cage spazzing out. Or better yet, watch this clip on Youtube instead.

And now, Your Moment of Nicolas Cage Zen:


“We’ve come for the Krites.”

Strap on your hip-blaster, because Critters is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell:  Critters is a charming creature feature filled with realistic human characters and outrageous alien criminals and bounty hunters.  It features special effects by the Chiodo Brothers and Terrence Mann’s tremendous eighties hair.

This movie does not contain:

Jeff’s Enormous Horse, Carter.

She’s got the Look.

Pack up your sleeping bags, because Sleepaway Camp is the Greatest Movie EVER! 

Luke “The Sasquatch” White is our guest camp-counselor on this slice of summer camp horror.  Please click the poster or the movie title to download the review.

Review in a Nutshell:   Thanks to clever directing and several symbolic artistic flourishes, Sleepaway Camp remains a shocking experience more than a quarter-century after its initial release.  It’s a rare example of a horror movie with a disturbing exploration of a theme. 

This movie contains:

The Look.

Burn Work.

The Arrow Gag.

GRAAAARGHR!

COMING SOON!

Our Secret Halloween Theme concludes with the most horrifying zombie movie ever made.

Fat Man in Trenchcoat with Sword, Killing Vampires

Hold onto your viscera, because Against the Dark is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell:  A messy, straight-to-DVD action / horror movie, Against the Dark begs the question:  Which is the real lumbering, undead monster?  A vampire?  Or Steven Seagal’s career?

Use the Buddy System!

Hold onto your eyeballs, because Event Horizon is the Greatest Movie EVER?

Review in a Nutshell:  Cobbling together elements from Solaris, Hellraiser, Alien, and The Shining does not guarantee a good science fiction / horror film.   The movie’s strong cast and solid set design can’t compensate for a disconnected, fundamentally absurd plot.

COMING SOON!

Sho Kosugi does some funky hand-jive.

Respekdagater!

Hold onto your hair-plugs, because Alligator is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell:  Humorous and horrific, tightly edited and carefully paced, Alligator is the giant reptile movie that all the others imitate.  Accept no substitutes!

This movie contains:

Robert Forster, the World’s Unluckiest Cop.

Henry Silva, Great White Hunter.

Male Pattern Baldness.

Gators Crashin’ Your Garden Party.

We bring the funny?

Don’t eat the cotton candy, because Killer Klowns from Outer Space is the Greatest Movie EVER!

This episode features special guest host Luke “Sasquatch” White.

Review in a Nutshell:  Equal parts bad puns and great make-up effects, Killer Klowns from Outer Space deserves every ounce of its cult film cred.  Come for the Chiodos, stay for the Klowns.

This movie contains:

Killer Klowns.

Pizza.

Double Secret Probation.

Terror-dactyl!

No, it’s not an obscure but terrifying poetic form, it’s Q, the Winged Serpent, the Greatest Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell:  This movies is BAD.  Really, really bad.  No, I’m serious.  It’s bad.  Even the presence of David Carradine and Richard Roundtree cannot salvage this film. 

On the plus side, Claymation dragon-dinosaur.

Are you Afraid of the Dark?

Beware of mutant space geckos, because Pitch Black is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell: Pitch Black is a clever little science fiction film with a used universe aesthetic and a scintillating performance by Vin Diesel as escaped convict Richard B. Riddick. Too bad David Twohy had to muck it all up in the sequel…

This movie contains:

Keith David, Space Faring Muslim.

Purple People Eaters? (Okay, that’s more of a Cyan…)

ACTING!

PATHOS.

COMING SOON!

Once again we’ll venture into the Gothic imagination of Guillermo del Toro

when Sean and I review The Devil’s Backbone.