Category Archives: Greatest Movie EVER

“@#$% You, Chelios!”

Signaling the triumphant return of the Greatest Movie EVER! Podcast to uploading new content, we kick off the migration to the new hosting service with three movie reviews for the price of none!

Click here or click the picture above to download a podcast that examines Crank, Crank 2: High Voltage, and Gamer.

WARNING:  This podcast contains dangerous levels of bleeped-out words and Daryl Surat.

Reviews in a Nutshell:  Jason Statham drives a car and kills people.  Gerard Butler does, too.

Click here if you wish to see the image that encapsulates the entirety of the Crank mythos. 

This image is spoiler-iffic and not very polite.  Viewer discretion is advised.

Sho Kosugi, You Are Not James Bond.

Break out those exploding shurikens, because Rage of Honor is (definitely not) the Greatest Movie EVER! 

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download  the review.

Review in a Nutshell:  Crippled by terrible camera-work and Sho Kosugi’s broken Engrish, Rage of Honor is not an ideal ninja movie.  Still, we at the Greatest Movie EVER! Podcast are thankful for ninja movies in general.

This movie contains:

FALSE ADVERTISING!

Sho Kosugi, Gentleman Spy.

Camo-Pajama Jesus Ninjas.

Nap-Time for Monsters

Break out the bibs and butter, because Godzilla vs the Sea Monster is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download the review.

Review in a Nutshell:  Godzilla hackey-sacks with a giant shrimp.  What more do you want?

This movie contains:

You don’t have to be evil to sport an eyepatch, but it helps.

JUMBO SHRIMP!

Is that Godzilla, or a Stoned  Cookie Monster?

ERRATA:  “They Shoot Horses, Don’t They?” was actually released in 1969, so Godzilla vs the Sea Monster was actually blazing trails.

She’s got the Look.

Pack up your sleeping bags, because Sleepaway Camp is the Greatest Movie EVER! 

Luke “The Sasquatch” White is our guest camp-counselor on this slice of summer camp horror.  Please click the poster or the movie title to download the review.

Review in a Nutshell:   Thanks to clever directing and several symbolic artistic flourishes, Sleepaway Camp remains a shocking experience more than a quarter-century after its initial release.  It’s a rare example of a horror movie with a disturbing exploration of a theme. 

This movie contains:

The Look.

Burn Work.

The Arrow Gag.

GRAAAARGHR!

COMING SOON!

Our Secret Halloween Theme concludes with the most horrifying zombie movie ever made.

“Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground…Democrat?”

Get out the Geiger counter, because C.H.U.D. is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell:  A cheesy horror film from the early eighties, C.H.U.D. succeeds thanks to solid performances from the cast, strong editing, and a psychologically-oppressive atmosphere.  The rubber monster suits help, too.

This movie contains:

Crazy Homeless People.

Grumpy Frumpy Face.

The mutation makes your eyes all glowy…

FINAL THOUGHT!

Producer Andrew Bonime’s response to the C.H.U.D. DVD commentary can be found here.

The D is Silent.

Drag out your coffin, because Django is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell:  A morally ambiguous spaghetti-western, Django has been hugely influential on the genre.  Its grim setting and spontaneous bursts of violence are still entertaining despite decades of imitators cribbing from the film.

Mom Chooses Mexico

Strap on your sandals, because Conan the Destroyer is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell:   It may not have James Earl Jones, but it has Grace Jones, and I think that more than makes up for it, thank you very much.

This movie contains:

Ahnold’s Hypno-Face.

Constipated Wizards.

Grace Jones being Crazy.

GORILLA WIZARD GHOSTS.

Addendum:  Scouring the Internet has uncovered this picture, evidence that suggests that Andre the Giant was in the fact the man in the Dagoth suit.

Square Pigs and Sexy Robots

Turn on your magnetic boots, because Space Truckers is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell:  Due to contributions from people as varied as Stuart Gordon and Hajime Sorayama, Space Truckers is light-years better than any low-budget, science-fiction adventure film has any right to be.  Its attention to detail and sardonic sense of humor make it a treat to watch.

This movie contains:

Square Pigs.

Pink Overalls.

Vernon Wells, Space Privateer.

The latest advancements in cybernetic male-enhancement technology.

Post Script:

This is what the good poster for Space Truckers looks like.

“I Have Stolen Your Fish!”

Tie up your hair in ox-horns, because Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li is the Greatest (?) Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell:  Brightly-lit but grimly-scripted, The Legend of Chun-Li is a train-wreck of a film.  Watch it just to prove you could.

This movie does not contain:

Chun Li?

M. Bison?

Vega?

Liu Kang?

 

Put on Your Angry Face!

Retract your vibro-blades, because Guyver 2: Dark Hero is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell:   A low-budget, live-action adaptation of a long-running action / science fiction manga series by Yoshiki Takaya, Guyver 2: Dark Hero is buoyed up by great rubber suit special effects and an absolutely crazy stunt team.   Mike Dent of R5 Central guest stars in this episode.

This movie contains:

Angry Face.

ANGRY FACE.

Angry face?

Gay Fishmen?