Category Archives: Greatest Movie EVER

Nap-Time for Monsters

Break out the bibs and butter, because Godzilla vs the Sea Monster is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download the review.

Review in a Nutshell:  Godzilla hackey-sacks with a giant shrimp.  What more do you want?

This movie contains:

You don’t have to be evil to sport an eyepatch, but it helps.

JUMBO SHRIMP!

Is that Godzilla, or a Stoned  Cookie Monster?

ERRATA:  “They Shoot Horses, Don’t They?” was actually released in 1969, so Godzilla vs the Sea Monster was actually blazing trails.

She’s got the Look.

Pack up your sleeping bags, because Sleepaway Camp is the Greatest Movie EVER! 

Luke “The Sasquatch” White is our guest camp-counselor on this slice of summer camp horror.  Please click the poster or the movie title to download the review.

Review in a Nutshell:   Thanks to clever directing and several symbolic artistic flourishes, Sleepaway Camp remains a shocking experience more than a quarter-century after its initial release.  It’s a rare example of a horror movie with a disturbing exploration of a theme. 

This movie contains:

The Look.

Burn Work.

The Arrow Gag.

GRAAAARGHR!

COMING SOON!

Our Secret Halloween Theme concludes with the most horrifying zombie movie ever made.

“Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground…Democrat?”

Get out the Geiger counter, because C.H.U.D. is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell:  A cheesy horror film from the early eighties, C.H.U.D. succeeds thanks to solid performances from the cast, strong editing, and a psychologically-oppressive atmosphere.  The rubber monster suits help, too.

This movie contains:

Crazy Homeless People.

Grumpy Frumpy Face.

The mutation makes your eyes all glowy…

FINAL THOUGHT!

Producer Andrew Bonime’s response to the C.H.U.D. DVD commentary can be found here.

The D is Silent.

Drag out your coffin, because Django is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell:  A morally ambiguous spaghetti-western, Django has been hugely influential on the genre.  Its grim setting and spontaneous bursts of violence are still entertaining despite decades of imitators cribbing from the film.

Mom Chooses Mexico

Strap on your sandals, because Conan the Destroyer is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell:   It may not have James Earl Jones, but it has Grace Jones, and I think that more than makes up for it, thank you very much.

This movie contains:

Ahnold’s Hypno-Face.

Constipated Wizards.

Grace Jones being Crazy.

GORILLA WIZARD GHOSTS.

Addendum:  Scouring the Internet has uncovered this picture, evidence that suggests that Andre the Giant was in the fact the man in the Dagoth suit.

Square Pigs and Sexy Robots

Turn on your magnetic boots, because Space Truckers is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell:  Due to contributions from people as varied as Stuart Gordon and Hajime Sorayama, Space Truckers is light-years better than any low-budget, science-fiction adventure film has any right to be.  Its attention to detail and sardonic sense of humor make it a treat to watch.

This movie contains:

Square Pigs.

Pink Overalls.

Vernon Wells, Space Privateer.

The latest advancements in cybernetic male-enhancement technology.

Post Script:

This is what the good poster for Space Truckers looks like.

“I Have Stolen Your Fish!”

Tie up your hair in ox-horns, because Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li is the Greatest (?) Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell:  Brightly-lit but grimly-scripted, The Legend of Chun-Li is a train-wreck of a film.  Watch it just to prove you could.

This movie does not contain:

Chun Li?

M. Bison?

Vega?

Liu Kang?

 

Put on Your Angry Face!

Retract your vibro-blades, because Guyver 2: Dark Hero is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell:   A low-budget, live-action adaptation of a long-running action / science fiction manga series by Yoshiki Takaya, Guyver 2: Dark Hero is buoyed up by great rubber suit special effects and an absolutely crazy stunt team.   Mike Dent of R5 Central guest stars in this episode.

This movie contains:

Angry Face.

ANGRY FACE.

Angry face?

Gay Fishmen?

“Love is Fleeting, Power is Eternal!”

Are you a bad enough dude to wield the Glaive?  Whether you are or not, Krull is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell:  A fantasy film with science fiction elements mixed in, Krull overcomes a fairly formulaic narrative with the help of excellent production design and strong performances by the supporting cast.  It’s also surprisingly violent for a film with a PG rating.

This movie contains:

Gruesome Violence.

A Friendly Cyclops.

The Glaive!

WTF?  Fire-hands?  That’s not fair!

And now for something completely different…

Grab a shovel and your trusty pack-mule, because The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell:  The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada is one of the most honest, human examples of drama that I’ve ever seen.  It’s an excellent film that unfolds further with each repeated viewing.