“I Have Stolen Your Fish!”

Tie up your hair in ox-horns, because Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li is the Greatest (?) Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell:  Brightly-lit but grimly-scripted, The Legend of Chun-Li is a train-wreck of a film.  Watch it just to prove you could.

This movie does not contain:

Chun Li?

M. Bison?

Vega?

Liu Kang?

 

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A Very Pretty Mess

Get ready to wave some hippy crystals, because

Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within is (definitely not) the Greatest Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell:  Technically astonishing but emotionally empty, Final Fantasy may have worked better as a video game rather than a full-length theatrical film.  A weak plot and cliche characters diminish the power of the film’s extraordinary visuals.

COMING SOON!

“Who put this giant cheese grater in my spaceship?”

“Welcome to SNARF.”

The Greatest Movie EVER!

Keep your freaking flight mask ON,

because Wing Commander is the Greatest Movie EVER!

This movie contains:

KILLDOZER!

Space Kittens.

KILLDOZER!

SPACE BULLDOZER.

Final Thought:

“Oh, come on, Scooby Doo wasn’t that bad…”

COMING SOON!

We keep the pain train rolling full steam when Angel, George and I tackle

Dungeons & Dragons: Wrath of the Dragon God.

Big Month of Mark – Double Dragon

The Greatest Movie EVER!

Abobo can’t drive, and Double Dragon is the Greatest Movie EVER!

This movie contains:

Charmed?

Awesome Hair.

Robert Patrick doesn't even care.

AWESOME HAIR.

Kick him in the pit!

Fuzzy Memories.

ERRATA:

I got Michael Berryman’s name wrong. Sorry, Michael!

COMING SOON!

COMING SOON!

The Month of Mark Dacascos gets preempted for a very special Mother’s Day.

The Misadventures of Mary Sue

The 'Greatest' Movie EVER!

Anderson thinks it’s Alice uber allis, and

Resident Evil: Extinction is the ‘Greatest’ Movie EVER.

This movie contains:

Aw, she's sad and lonely.

Mary Sue…er, I mean ‘Alice’.

He is Carlos, Leader of Men!

“Hey, where’d my character go?”

NOM NOM NOM

Zombies. They HATE chain-link fences.

CAW!

CROWS. (peck peck peck peck peck peck peck)

Shouldn't have eaten the shellfish.

Severe Food Allergies. Oh, wait, that’s a Tyrant.

At least they got one thing right.

Piles and Piles of Dead Alice Clones.

God Bless Uwe Boll 2: Electric Zombie Boogaloo

The 'Greatest' Movie EVER!
Grab your zombie-bashing stick, because
House of the Dead is the ‘Greatest’ Movie EVER!
Show Notes to follow. Sleep now.

“They Kick High.”

The Worst Movie EVER!

The Big Week of (Philip K.) Dick commences October1,

but in the meantime Dead or Alive is the Worst (Meh-est?) Movie EVER!

NOTE: If the show sounds a little static-filled this time around, it’s because I forgot to recalibrate my mixer after lending it to Daryl Surat during Anime Weekend Atlanta. I’ve fixed the problem; it shouldn’t happen again. (I sent the DVD back to Netflix without capturing any screens or sound effects, so here are some images swiped from Google Imagesearch.)

This film contains:

Purple Hair!

Purple Hair! (Thanks, IGN!)

Oooh, in the rain no less.

Girl Fights!

Mmm...delicious.

CHEESECAKE.

COMING SOON!

Peter Weller in Screamers

The Second Variety? I thought this was RoboCop 2…”